Alien: Covenant

#41

I have a “fun” fact for everyone that does not involve ratings or critical reception: the only Alien franchise movie I have seen in its entirety is Prometheus. I’ve seen the two Alien vs Predator movies, but realistically nobody counts those among either franchise / canon. I have seen most of Alien and Aliens, just cannot say it was in one sitting or 100%. If they were readily available on Netflix or Hulu, that would have been remedied … but alas it was not meant to be. 

So how would I rate Alien: Covenant? I will give it a very suitable 2 “Michael Fassbenders kissing and fondling each other’s flute” out of 10. As a heads up, since I did not like this movie and my review with be a little more to the point.

FOR THE UNITIATED

Alien: Covenant starts out with a flashback of Weyland (Guy Pierce) speaking with his newly created synthetic robot David (Michael Fassbender) about the meaning of life. 

We then fastforward to the current time of the movie with Walter (newer model of Michael Fassbender) working on a ship carrying thousands of people across space to another habitable planet to colonate. There is a fluke solar flare type event that prompts the crew to wake out of hypersleep after causing some casualties. Their plans are sidetracked after they find a communication from a habitable planet. Things go further awry after some of the crew is infected with a virus that causes the humans to birth an alien. The crew ends up meeting David, who crashed onto the planet after the events of Prometheus. Now they are all forced to survive until rescued.

THE BEST

The best thing about Alien: Covenant is that the movie is much better than Prometheus.

The only other positive is the action scenes are fairly intense if you can shut off your brain.

That is about it …

THE WORST

So if you liked Prometheus, then you might like Alien: Covenant. This movie is basically a mindless money grabbing attempt on a franchise that has many more failures than successes. My biggest issue would be the same issue I had with Prometheus, the characters acting against their core values / constructs. The first frustrating scene is also the first action scene. Slightly more frustrating is since there was about two dozen characters and not a lot of character growth to go along, I didn’t catch a lot of names so bare with me. A pair of explorers goes back to ship early since one got sick. By the time he made it to the ship, he was throwing up blood onto his partner. Tennessee’s wife mentioned to the main ship that she might need to quarantine the two to be safe. Instead she goes into the med bay with everyone else, gets sprayed in the face with blood, and then leaves locking them both in the med bay even though she is potentially infected as well. She makes a frantic call back to the main ship, grabs a gun before running back, and finding out the alien that came from the sick person has already killed everyone locked into the room. Instead of leaving it alone, she goes into the room and lets it loose after breaking her foot. 

I won’t go into detail on another of my least favorite aspects, but TOO MUCH MICHAEL FASSBENDER. Holy crap, he had over 50% of the movie focused on him.

OVERALL

If you liked Prometheus or want to be a completist, then by all means go and watch Alien: Covenant. If not, do not fret! You can watch this with friends and rip it apart for literally every aspect. Otherwise, I would recommend avoiding it by all means.

RECOMMENDATION 

If you want a good alien movie, go to the Alien franchise’s biggest competitor: Predator! It stuck to the basics and was an awesome action movie that happened to have an alien in the movie. This is a near perfect movie that is infinitely quotable and holds up a couple decades later. When the side characters die it is not because of idiotic mistakes, it is because the antagonist was that much better.

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