xXx: Return of Xander Cage

#10

In 1889 a Russian playwright named Anton Chekhov wrote “One must never place a loaded rifle on the stage if it isn’t going to go off. It’s wrong to make promises you don’t mean to keep.” This rule famously got coined as Chekhov’s Gun. Normally there is one or two items used that fit this bill, xXx: Return of Xander Cage used ALL of Chekhov’s guns. They went out of their way on several occasions to introduce multiple instances, but the movie was better for it somehow. Every weapon, one liner, call back, or trick that was shown was brought back for the second and third act and I was cheering them on EVERY. SINGLE. TIME!!

Vin Diesel returns to the franchise as the titular character alongside Sam Jackson who is back as the quick talking Augustus Gibbons. xXx is brought back to help take down a group of terrorists who stole a device capable of using satellites as missiles. In order to one up the prior franchises and add more global appeal the rest of the cast was filled with actors/actresses popular in India, China, and Korea.

I would give the latest xXx movie 7 “sweet lion tattoos” out of 10.

THE BEST

xXx: Return of Xander Cage is exactly the movie you think it will be, so if you think that you wouldn’t like it then don’t even bother. I, on the other hand, enjoyed almost every moment of the movie since I absolutely love ridiculous action movies. The action scenes were all out crazy such as the dirt bike that ends up going into the ocean, the fight in the middle of the freeway, or the final shootout. On top of that, the writers did their best to give every single person nothing but one-liners and most of them surprisingly stuck the landing! Without giving away the best parts (not that this movie can be spoiled), I can’t go into just how much FUN this movie really is. For instance, the dirt bike chase scene in the ocean looked horribly fake and was ridiculed with obvious CGI and green screen but it only made it better somehow.

THE WORST

They tried to replace Vin Diesel in the second xXx movie with Ice Cube and it was hardly watchable, which was a similar outcome to the second Fast and Furious movie. Bringing him back was the smart move financially, especially considering the popularity the Fast and Furious movies have been since the fourth entry. Sadly, the cast that surrounded him made him look older and slower. It is hard to believe Vin Diesel can beat Donnie Yen in a foot race and not be winded or sweating … especially when Donnie was visibly more tired. I am not saying that they should have replaced him, but maybe they should have not tried to make him the best at everything.

One other complaint was considering how many pop figures they added in for a wider appeal, there was little to no big popular songs throughout the movie. The soundtrack was surprisingly bland compared to the prior two entries.

OVERALL

xXx: Return of Xander Cage is a pretty straightforward movie, if you think you won’t like it then avoid at all costs. After the weekend box office performance, there likely won’t be a follow-up. It was over the top crazy, and I reveled in every second. You should go and see this in theatres since everything will be bigger and louder and you can appreciate it even more.

RECOMMENDATION

Sticking with the ridiculous theme here, I would be remiss if I didn’t recommend Fast 5. That was definitely the movie that took the Fast and Furious franchise to another level and also brought in who is now being hailed as franchise Viagra, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. The safe chase scene might be one of my favorite chases in movie history.